ruminations, musings and thoughts

untitled 10.15.12

i don’t want this to be easy

because easy won’t last forever

i want this to be 

heart wrending

soul wrenching

mind altering

revolutionary

i must be revolutionary

a

riot inducing

sword wielding

machete swipping

gun toting

kind of revolution

i want Africa rising 

in the face of colonialist Jesus difficult

i want women finding wholeness

in the face of a bitter man’s world difficult

i want children loved

in a den is ill repute and lackluster faith difficult

i want the kind of love that 

tumbles deeply held beliefs

overturns dictators of the traditional

upsets champions of the norm

i want you to love me

in a way that forces you to love you more

in a way that challenges your ability to cause harm

in a way that brings your pain bubbling high, forcing you to heal

love me in that

confrontational way

desperately physical way

never-ending mental way

love me

love you

let’s love together

i’m always reaching back

becomingchichi:

If you have the temerity to look a member of the LGBTQ community in the face and tell them that their love condemns them to your most wretched imaginings of hell, then you do not know love. You have not experienced the truly challenging emotional openness that love can cause and for those people I am not even angry, I am just sad.

(Source: th3evolutionofchichi)

some people move forward while others move backwards…i can’t be mad because others take steps in a direction i wouldn’t choose for myself

(Source: th3evolutionofchichi)

just a kiss

I don’t get into kissing

Until I’m there

Lips melded

Tongues licking

Teeth nipping

Breath hot

Deep gasping

But with you

The thought of your lips

Sparring with mine

Brings a mottled warmth to my face

Muscles clench

Where thighs meet

As I imagine

The soft skin of your lips

And my lips

Where you begin

And I end

Where I begin

And you end

Where we begin

And end

Is the bittersweet line between

Reason that says we should never be

And reality that says we must

So,

As I lay here

Bed empty

Arms full of air

I lust

For the succulent taste

Of your beautiful lips

my new world

I want to explore you

Like the ancients explored the New World

Tongues exchange timid greetings

Then with time

My hands cup your face

Encouraging a deeper connection

Your finger thrust deep in my hair

Encouraging acceptance

I pull

You push

I inhale

You exhale

Together we revel

In the bliss

Of common language

Only to part

Mouths tingling

The taste of you lingering

Sweet on my lips

My markings

Forever stain your body

Bonds formed

Leaving behind

The delicious possibility

Of another expedition

spirits

i see her smile wherever i go

her voice comes out of a different mouth

her hair clings to a foreign scalp

her eyes bore into mine from a distant socket

her shape slinks around an unfamiliar corner

her name attaches to an unrelated stranger

she has haunted me

since you spoke her name

since you told me you loved her

since you to me she didn’t want you

since you told me there was no we while there is still a she

you taught me to fear

you taught me to hold back

you taught me to accept second place

because,

her texts

her calls

her problems

all came before me

so im begging you,

now,

can you take your ghost back?

i want

to laugh

until our voices bounce off the wall

to kiss deeply

until our flavors mingle

to snuggle near

until your heartbeat matches mine

to  dance

until our feet go numb from the rhythm

to smile

until our muscles fatigue

to do anything at all,

with you.

instead, 

i will listen as my professor yaps…

postcard to God

i asked God for strength

and he made me climb a mountain

to show me the strength laced in the muscles of my legs

and the soles of my feet

i asked God for light

and he made me walk through the darkness

to show me the light shining bright within me

i asked God for love

and he gave me heartache

to show me the love he buried in me

i asked God for wisdom

and he sent me on a journey to places i did not know

to meet people i could not understand

to show me that wisdom comes from living life openly

each time i ask

God answers

but sometimes

i wish he would just send me a memo…

abnormalities

tell me,

is it normal 

for my heart to

lurch

whenever i see your name?